Client: ”Web designer seems like a sweet job.”
Me: ”Yeah, it’s great.”
Client: “You probably love it so much that you would do it even you didn’t get payed!”
Client: ”Great! So I don’t have to pay you?”
Client: “This is everything we asked for but not what we wanted.”
Client: ”I decided I want one of the illustrations you already did for my logo and I am going to use it for the background on my checks.”
Me: ”A logo is usually a simple graphic used to represent your business, in your case, the book series and characters. The illustrations are a bit too detailed for that purpose. How about I simplify the characters and series title and create a logo?”
Client: ”Why can’t you just shrink the picture down to the size of the check?”
Me: ”The artwork is 12” square and proportionally will not work in a rectangle.”
Client: ”Wait, hold on… you know I don’t understand you when you use those technical terms.”
Me: ”By proportionally I mean…”
Client: ”No not that word, the other one you said. It won’t work in a what?”
Me: ”Um, a rectangle is the shape of your checkbook.”
Client: ”Oh ok.”
Me: ”When you click on the button it takes you to the Paypal donation page that you set up.”
Client: “What do you mean? I don’t want the donate button to do this, I want it to automatically charge their card. These are seniors they won’t understand this if I don’t. You can’t have them type stuff in.”
Me: “But you wanted to go with Paypal because you couldn’t afford a secured shopping cart website. Either way, at some point they will have to type in their information.”
Client: ”Can’t you just take their credit card information without them knowing? That way they won’t get confused.”
Client: ”I would like to commission you to draw a cover for my bands first album, and it goes on sale in September.”
Me: ”Congratulations, so what would you like for the cover?”
Client: “Something midevily, like a dragon and a woman wizard fighting, but in the night sky, and there like fighting a dwarf in a mech suit, like a Gundam. And make the moon in the sky on fire. That would be cool.”
Me: ”That seems like it would be an eye sore to me…”
Client: ”No, this idea would reflect our music perfectly, we agreed, and it’ll deffinitely get people to buy our stuff.”
Me: ”So what kind of music do you guys do?”
Client: ”Your rates are too high! I’ll do the design myself, and then you can do the implementation.”
Me: ”Okay, that’s fine, just send me the files when you’re finished.”
Client: ”Just one question- how many centimeters is a pixel?”
When designing a website for a client, the client initially expressed that he wanted to use Burgundy.
Client: This isn’t right. You know the color blood red?
Me: Yeah, I think I know what you’re talking about.
Client: Yeah, I love blood red. I want the logo to look like that. Do you know what it would look like if you took a paintbrush and dipped it in blood, and smeared it downwards? How the blood would be darkest in the center, and there would be splatters of blood and lighter shades of blood around it?
Me: You want a gradient?
Client: No, I want it to look like the blood of all our victims.
Me: I’m sorry, what?
Client: You know, from all the bugs we’ve terminated.
Client: We don’t need you to do our promotional campaigns anymore. We’ve just bought InDesign and someone’s coming in to do a two-hour workshop on how to use it. We’ll be able to handle all the design ourselves from now on. We might give you the odd phone call for a bit of advice here and there — you won’t mind will you?
Client: ”Can you make the ‘About Us’ link say ‘About Us – Everyone welcome’?”
Me: “Sure, but…why?”
Client: ”I’m afraid people might not know they’re allowed to click that link. They might think it’s private. We need them to know it’s okay for them to go there.”
Me: ”But none of the links on your site are private. Why are you concerned with that specific one?”
Client: “Good point. You’d better add ‘Everyone welcome’ to all the links on the site.”
[info]If you have some weird moments with your client/s to share please post it here.[/info]
Reference: [icon style=”link” color=”gray”]Clients from Hell[/icon]